The Agony of My Loss
by TheHylianReader
Summary: …………Sweet, Nayru, when will this pain cease? Why do you all torture me, leaving to replay the last three years over and over again? What did I do to you? What did she do to deserve her fate?………nothing……it’s all my fault……" Rated T just in case.


_AN/ Hello, fan fiction community. No, I have not forgotten my other story, I am merely branching out my library. To start, I was chatting with PitFTW and asked her if I could write something for her. Well, she sent me back the basic idea, and I took off from there. I did tweak the idea around just a little bit to fit in with what I wrote, but here it is and I am pleased with it. Bear in mind that I am not an expert on first person writing, and I apologize in advance if this is not quite good. I also just want to clear up that I wrote this as if these were Link's thoughts and his alone. There is no dialogue, something new to me. Also_, _long lines of periods represent breaths. Here goes nothing..._

**Universal Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of The Legend of Zelda. I believe we all know that by now.**

The Agony of My Loss…

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…………_.Sweet, Nayru, when will this pain cease? Why do you all torture me, leaving to replay the last three years over and over again? What did I do to you? What did _she _do to deserve her fate?………nothing…….it's all my fault……_

_This should never have happened…oh, what I would give just to fix my mistake, to hold her and assure her everything would be right in the end._

_But no. She will never hear me say those things…_

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…………_..Well, no matter what happened, these past three years were the best of my life. Sure, I was sad Midna left. She was a good friend, like the annoying older sister I never had. It took me a while to really get over that, but I bet it would have been longer if Zelda hadn't been there. Goddesses, she knew exactly what to say to help me out. She said, I think, that when someone leaves, a piece of them always remains….Like….a handprint on your heart….Heh, then she apologized for sounding so stupid repeating something she once heard as a child._

_I told her she didn't sound stupid at all, and pointed out that I was a little bit of a bonehead myself, telling her one of my little anecdotes from Ordon. She laughed, just what she needed to do after spending all that time in a tower and inside Midna's life force._

…………_..I remember her asking me for my help. Castle Town was in shambles, and the Castle itself was nearly flattened. She said to me that she needed someone she trusted to help rebuild, help guide, and to protect. She said that she needed someone the people would be willing to back up; she said it in a way that made me think she doubted herself…_

…………_..I…..I wondered how someone like her could doubt herself. She was one of the strongest people I knew and I told her that, just to reassure her. She seemed grateful. We left the desert after that. Never looked back._

_It was…..it……it was sometime after that when the reality of my fame really began to sink in. Random girls came up to me _all_ the time, asking me, honestly, the stupidest questions. Most consisted of my status as a bachelor… The nobles, although in less insanely obsessed, all tried to sweet talk me into doing favors or sending requests to Zelda. Most of the common people just waved and cheered and smiled at me….I was still not used to all that attention._

_I got A LOT of attention at the ball that celebrated the completion of the rebuilding of Hyrule, just under one year from when we first started. _I _was Zelda's escort that night….Me, Link the nameless goatherd slash monster killer, Princess Zelda's escort. Oh, the dirty looks we got…I joked to Zelda that we were being watched by buzzards. She laughed. Not in that creepy way girls sometimes do to get your attention, but in that genuine way friends laugh at each other's jokes. _

_Funny, to this day I can't remember who asked who first to be their escort. Ilia, my adopted sister since as far back as I can possibly remember, goaded me on and on to ask her out on a date. I thought she was crazy, which she can sometimes be. Me? Really? I wanted to shake her and remind her who exactly we were talking about. But she saw through me. She knew I had a crush on Zelda. I tried before to pass it off as one of those "I'm in love with the Princess" things that happened to every man who ever saw her, but I couldn't. I just couldn't…._

_Ilia convinced me, somehow, to ask her. If I remember rightly, she threatened to hang me by my toes over the Great Bridge and….I forget where she went with that….right, I cut her off there, saying I would do it. I will never, ever forget what a temper that girl has….not until the day I d-- not ever._

_Zelda seemed just as bashful I was when I went to ask her to the ball. Heh, we were both tumbling out sentences that had nothing to do with what we both wanted to do. Eventually, be both just came outright at the same time. We--uhg--we laughed about it then and we did for some time after. _

_That ball was a special night for us….I got my first dance lesson there. Thankfully, I faked my way through the first few, without stepping on her feet, before I picked it up. _

_That ball was special for other reason……._

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_It was where we shared our first kiss…._

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…_I was supposed to leave after that night, but I didn't. Somehow, I got the idea in my head that I could convince the captain of the guard to let me be Zelda's body guard. She thought the idea was brilliant. I made myself more than capable of protecting her, training nearly every day to keep the captain from biting my head off…..I remember Zelda saying that if that captain trained the rest of the guards as much as he trained me, there wouldn't be an issue with those lazy bums in the first place. I wholeheartedly agreed…_

_Agh….despite all that training, I still managed to spend plenty of time with Zelda. Most of the time, we would talk as she did her daily duties and I would offer my services in anyway necessary. Sometimes, she accepted the help, sometimes not; but that never stopped me from checking. _

_However, we would sometimes, if we were both up to it, sneak out of the castle and go off into the fields. Nothing bad ever happened, nor nothing…..inappropriate. We would simply stargaze, as we did this most often at night--almost always at night, and we would just….talk more, I suppose. We were both very open with each other, and for that I was glad. Zelda tended, when other people were around, to bottle her feelings, dreams, and wishes up inside her. That's what princesses have to do. Well, around me, she was much different…in a good way. She was an open and carefree, never-say-die young woman who dreamed of seeing the world for what it was and for having others see her for who she was, beyond the crown….the way, she said, I saw her. _

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…………_.It was hard to deny that we were both in love. Really, really hard. If she came unexpectedly around a corner, I would find myself stunned by her. Not only by her beauty, that's just skin deep, but her entire aura seemed to put me in this state of awe that I always regretted coming out of. She was a living, breathing, honest to goodness goddess in the flesh….I fell, hard. _

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…………_.I--I worked up the nerve, after much more prodding from Ilia, to finally propose to her. Oh, gosh, I was a shaking mess when I only bought the ring…It wasn't big or flashy, it was just a platinum ring with a simple, but still sparkling, diamond. I had the words, "_For Always_" engraved on the inside…the perfect ring for the perfect girl, I thought. _

_I managed to coax her out for a picnic on a nice day, middle of spring, just me and her. We went down near Faron Woods, just at the tree line. We just did as we always did, nothing new. We talked until it began to get very late, the sun-already-set late. I did, however, plan that. I wanted the stars to be the only witnesses to this….Just me…just me and Zelda…._

_I don't remember how I got it started, but I took her hands in mine and told her how much I enjoyed staying with her for the past two-and-a-half years, how being with her had made me feel so complete, how much….I loved her…. I told her a day without her was like a day without the will to live, that she was truly the only person who I could die for, just for her happiness alone. I pulled out the ring and held it in front of me and asked her, right then and there, to marry me._

_She cried, I remember. Or rather, she began laughing and sobbing at the exact same time. I slipped the ring over her finger, which was harder than it sounds she was shaking so much. Before I knew it, I heard her whisper through her tears, "yes." It was the sweetest thing I had ever heard. She kept saying it over and over again, laughing and crying all the while. I tried to wipe away her tears, but she had her arms around my neck and her lips on mine before I could make a move. I, although stunned, returned the kiss and wrapped my own arms around her tiny little waist. _We were going to get married….

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_The wedding itself was quite the event. I was sure that at least one person would object to our union, but from the proposal up until that dreaded moment when the priest asks if anyone would like to object to the marriage, I hadn't heard a single complaint. Not even from the nobles, whom Zelda and I both thought would give us trouble. They all stayed quiet…..except for the hundreds of thousands of congratulations we received. Oh sweet Farore, I still remember the moment she started coming down the aisle. I never in my life thought she could be more amazing, but she surprised me once again. To this very day, I cannot describe her any other way than simply angelic…The day was perfect. We were married and the coronation took place directly afterwards, so Hyrule was celebrating our wedding and their King and Queen at the same time. I don't think I could ever fully describe that evening. Like Zelda, there were just no words good enough._

………_.And I suppose our honeymoon near the sea was pretty good too….._

………_.Agg--this pain…..walking down memory lane…..it's painful…..it's……just so hard to breathe now……..I can't keep my eyes open without the threat of me drifting off, but I can't…I can't……._

…………_To think, that after only a few months of married life, it would all be ruined……._

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…………_.One month ago, I suppose, is when it started….Zelda and I proved ourselves to be greatly capable of ruling Hyrule. I was reigning as her equal, not her consort, something I didn't think was--ung-- possible. However, it wasn't until this….this prince came to the castle….Funny, I can remember so far back, but I can't even think what that….prince's name was or even where he came from_

_. When he and I were alone in the courtyard, he told me that he had once loved Zelda. I could see through him, though. He didn't love her….he _lusted_ her….he made me sick. He didn't even say this, he might as well have been hissing like the snake he was….he hated me for marrying her, I could tell. What he would do about it would be my ruin………_

_It….it was only a week ago….Zelda came to me, but I was a little busy looking over some documents that needed a king's looking over. She said she…..she had something she wanted to tell me….and…..when I had a free moment to meet her in the courtyard….the west courtyard….she sounded so happy….I wondered why._

_I had found a moment to spare and---ung--I went to find her. She…..was arguing with that prince….he was shouting at her but she was calm….she stood her ground, defending our marriage that that….sniveling little prince was trying to cut into….I--I stood back to watch her; I knew she didn't need me to defend her like that….She finally, in as angry a tone as I ever heard, put him in his place, saying she loved me and only me. I smiled before I saw what happened next…_

_That _wretch_ screamed that if he couldn't have her, neither could anyone else before he knocked her to the ground with a slap in the face. I ran to stop him from harming my wife, my love; but he---aanngg--he took a dagger he had hidden in his boot and plunged it through her heart…..I screamed her name, alerting the wretch of my presence. With an unceremonious shove, I threw the man away from us as I knelt down to my love's side…..I already knew I was too late…..I failed her…..she was dying…..dying a horrific, painful death I could have prevented……_

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………………_.I held her gently, and her eyes fluttered open weakly……She saw I was on the verge of breaking….of losing my mind right there….she reached up and pulled the collar of my tunic down to her. At first, I thought she was going to kiss me, but she pulled my ear close to her mouth and whispered something that broke my heart…._

"……_.we love you……" _

_At first, I didn't understand what she meant. We? It wasn't until she closed her eyes and dropped her hand that I realized what she meant…It was what she wanted to say to me that morning, why she was so happy…._

_I held her……I held her lifeless body to me and I sobbed, for the first time in my whole life…..I never cried before, but losing her….losing _them_ was too much for my heart…_

_I set her body down only to look into the eyes of the monster who killed her…..how could anyone kill out of jealousy? I felt a rage build up--no, it exploded within me, and in a single second, I leapt from where I knelt and thrust my fist as hard as I could at the man's face…..I felt his nose break instantly, and I sent him back several feet……._

_I wasn't satisfied. I wanted him gone…….._

_It was the first time in my life I ever truly wanted to kill somebody. Ganondorf was a monster in man's shape, he didn't count. But this man had murdered my love, and for that I could never forgive him…….He and I started a full, all-out brawl in the courtyard, each of us taking a beating……..After a while, we where both in pretty bad shape, but I didn't feel my pain. I was so…..so angry that I just ignored it…..I just wanted……I wanted that wretch dead………_

_I can't remember how long we fought, or even many of the details……My rage had blinded me, I couldn't make heads or tails of anything other than my thoughts of revenge………I did manage to thrust him in to the castle wall, throw a few punches to break his ribs, and pin both his shoulders to the stone…….I seethed in his face, I told him that he would die for what he did to her. He just sneered in my face……….._

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………………_..The guards had come by that time, horrified to see the Queen dead and the King covered in my blood. They picked up what happened and grabbed that prince, informing him that he was under arrest……..I backed up, the reality of my own injuries sinking in…..I told the guards to take him away from my sight………_

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………………_.But he escaped their grasp………..He grabbed his dagger……………He stabbed me in the back………and again, and again, and again………….They ripped the man off me and I heard them shout the order that he was to go to the dungeon……….I fell unconscious then…._

_I woke up, three days later, in my bed. I was covered in bandages……The castle physician hovering over me like a hawk….He said he was afraid I would not wake up……_

………………_..Is it shameful of me to say that I wish I didn't?_

…………_I found out that Zelda was already buried by the time I woke up, and that the prince who murdered her was rotting away in the dungeon, his kingdom trying to free him through negotiations…..While I, the one who swore on his life to protect Hyrule's Princess, lay dying….._

………_.I cursed myself, mentally, going through the scenario over and over again…..trying to figure out what I could have done to stop all this….I never said a word, and still haven't. What is there--ung--What is there to say? I failed her……………I had allowed her death to happen…..Agh, when will this pain stop? I cant take much more of this…._

_I found out that I have several broken ribs from the fight…..I have a black eye that hurts like heck, my spine is out of line from receiving a good kick in the back, my leg was broken in four places so I don't think I will ever walk again if I live through this. He also……..He had said something about internal bleeding too……..probably from my shattered heart……_

_They……all want….me to live…..I am their king…….but how can I live when my heart has lost its very reason to beat? It's so painful……just to breathe…..I feel like I am suffocating……my body aches with loss and injury, moving is impossible……my eyelids…….they feel like they weigh a hundred pounds each……..I close my eyes……….._

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………………………………_..My pain is ebbing away…………_

………_I can no longer feel my pain……..I can breathe again………….But I can't see……._

…………_.I am in darkness……………….._

…………_.Am I dead?_

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……………_.I must be dead, but where am I in death? Surely the soul doesn't wander in darkness for all eternity……._

……………_..I call out my love's name, and I hear the echo ringing in this limbo louder than I thought it would be. My voice is strong again……._

……………_.I don't think I could call it walking, but I move through the space, calling her name out over and over again…………..I see light…………._

……………_..I move faster now; that light is heaven, I know it……………….I don't seem to move very fast, but the light does get closer……It is a figure………..my Zelda…………_

_She is the light I sought, she is dressed in pure white……She was an angel……….._

………_.Funny the knowledge that comes with death. I know that she feels horrible seeing me suffer on earth without her. She is apologizing? Why? It's my fault….I can't stand to see her feel sorry for her self. I rush forward and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. _

_I say that she could never make me suffer, and that it doesn't matter now. We are together…..forever………… _

_She says I am right…..that what happened doesn't matter and that she came to take me home….._

_We walk off, hand in hand, towards more light. I see heaven before me……and standing before the gate, waiting for us, is a little girl._

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_AN/ Well that was one of the more depressing things I have written. Reviews are appreciated and critique welcome. If there is ANYTHING wrong with this please tell me so I can edit this and fix it._

_PitFTW, I hope this is what you wished for. Or better, let's go with better._


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